Day 1

Is the first time always the best? It may well be the hardest.

This story is a long one, and a story I would like to share in little snippets. I'm a bit of a tease I know, but then thats very fitting of this story. We were both teasing each other. Over the course of a year or so after we first met, through successive conversations, we found our situations were very similar. Looking back, it is surprising how much we did share, and we often question our own memories with our sense of decency. "Surely we couldn't have said/done/thought that while we still hadn't got together?". But we find that we did. And we are glad that we did.

Finding out that what the person you desire wants is the same as you, without jeopardising what you already have, must surely be the most difficult task you face in having a secret love affair. It actually troubles lovers of all descriptions, not just secret ones. But the thing you jeoardise when you are young, free and single may just be your pride, or street cred. When the things you have to lose are more than that, you need to exercise a little more caution. In our case, it was reasonably happy but not altogether fulfilling married lives.

Techniques for this are rather hard to come by, and the following is not an exhaustive list. I will add to this as we go along, and would welcome any contributions to it from others.
- Share philosophies. A matching approach morally to what you wish to do is essential. If your prospective partner in crime would see the crime as something unforgiveable, not understandable in any circumstances, you have the wrong guy/gal. If they are likely to feel significantly more guilty than you, then tread carefully as that may spell trouble in the end, or at least, not quite the fulfillment that you crave. Likewise, if they are significantly more relaxed about it than you, can you really trust them to exercise the discretion you need to keep your secret safe?
- Test Discretion. Share secrets and see what happens. I think that by the time Aphrodite and I got together, we knew enough of our dirty little secrets to keep the tabloids going for months, had we been the sort of people they were interested in. Any slip-ups will tell you that discretion is not their best feature. (Not sure where writing a blog about your exploits fits with this rule, but hey)
- Push me pull you. Try to provide each other with opportunities to get together, but without ever creating any obligation. I dont think you would ever want to be in a situation where the other had not acted out of free will. Your intent should be to make your intent clear, but without backing your intended into a corner. Good example: For that first time, dont pre book a hotel room, or if you need to, book two. And one exception to this rule: Always be a good boy scout, and pack a condom, just in case.