When enjoying an affair, it is often tempting to test your regular partner in order to compare reactions with that of your lover, say for example with a suggestion of an activity or an opinion about a certain matter. This is entirely human and normal. You know its not exactly a pleasant thing to do, but the curiosity is overwhelming. I'm not sure why. Maybe its the thirst for understanding of the differences between people, and in particular the differences that you seek, perhaps a confirmation of the feature of the character that you see lacking in one human being and have a desire for in another. It may be something altogether more unsavoury, the need to justify one's own behaviour by validating the reasons for your dalliances. Not so much a "aha - got you" but more of a "thats just what I mean".
It transpires that my lover and I have both indulged from time to time in this behaviour, and so far with no negative consequences. I can however forsee several possible negative outcomes:
1. A suggested activity that you only desire with your lover will be accepted by your regular partner. Is this really what you wanted?
2. The dreaded question "why do you ask" may be the reply. Be prepared with an answer.
3. Its another one of those hints, isnt it?
4. It may open up a deeper conversation and get you into uncharted and unprepared territory. Difficult to give an example here, and thats the point, its unpredictable.
Say you said "I'd like to to wear some sexy underwear". You might get any of the following potentially difficult responses:
OK Big boy, I'll just go up and change.
Why do you ask?
Im not your sex object, dont you respect me? Come to think of it, you have been showing me less respect lately, whats going on? Why the sudden need for stimulation. And arent I enough for you in my natural state? You've not asked for this for ages, whats suddenly changed?
Maybe its best not to ask eh? Accentuate the positives in both sides of your relationship, but dont expect one person to be another.
Still its tempting though. 95% of the time you will get the response "no way" and you can sit back and think "thats just what I mean".
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