A good question

Recently I was asked what I wanted? What a great question. The answer is simple really at first, but then there’s a lot more to it than at first it seems. And its so easy to get wrapped up in what it is that you don’t want. Especially when there are things happening in your life that you don’t like and that are out of your control. Sometimes it seems all you can do is say that you don’t want THIS, but cant see round this to what it is you do want. And it’s the same when you are in any situation that you want to get out of. But seeing it clearly, and being positive, here is where I’m at:

I want:

            1. To Love

            2. To Be Loved

            3. To Have Fun

And what exactly does that mean? What does it mean I want to do? Well, recently also I heard someone else say that they didn’t have anything to do. This is of course ridiculous. If you think about it, we are very very lucky to be living when we are, where we are, with the resources we have. So here’s the list of what there is to do, in no particular order. It’s not complete and will change and grow every day. It covers things to do by yourself, or preferably with that someone that you love, that loves you, and that you want to have fun with.

A day at the races: Horses, dogs, cars.

A day out at the Great British Seaside: Skegness, Brighton, Scarborough…

The Nottingham Goose Fair, any fairground, any city fair.

A walk in the Country

A Country picnic. Fun on a blanket on the ground.

A drive. Anywhere. Or along one of the great driving roads of the world. In a great car.

Visiting some wonders of the world: The great wall, the pyramids, the coliseum, the Giants causeway, Hadrian’s wall.

Some engineering wonders to see: Brunels bridge in Bristol…

Cities, our own capitals: London, Glasgow, Belfast, Cardiff. Other cities in our wonderful country. Dublin.

Classic cars. A rally, a car show, a run. An auto jumble.

Taking care of the car.

A car boot sale.

A book fair.

A country show.

A drink in a country pub, we walk, we drive.

A drink in a city wine bar, a cocktail bar.

A day in the pub, good beer.

Eating out. Anywhere you like: A pub, a restaurant, a café, a coffee bar at the shops. Posh restaurants and casual restaurants.

Big events: Chelsea Flower Show, Henley Regatta, Ascot Races.

A spa: a day, an overnight, longer. A massage, a facial, a relaxation, a detox, meditation, colonic irrigation.

Sports: Bike riding, surfing, walking, running, driving, climbing, hang-gliding, flying

Playing Poker

Shopping: Clothes, house, gifts, Christmas, cars.

Cinema: The latest blockbuster, the indie movie house, an old favourite.

Watching sport: Football, my favourite team, my national team, a big game, my local team. Cricket, Rugby, other sports…

Theatre: Shows, Plays, Experimental, Comedy.

Music concerts: Pop, Rock, Folk, Blues, Local bands, in pubs, small venues, Big bands in Big Venues, Open mic nights.

Watching the TV.

Listening to music.

Book readings, talks, meet the author, appreciations and discussions.

Sexy shows: Burlesque, striptease. An Amsterdam sex show. Lap dancing, pole dancing.

Exercise: Swim, gym, walk, run, weights, aerobics, classes, martial arts. Outside, in sports centres, at home. Getting sweaty.

Dancing: Clubs, Ballroom, lessons, salsa, watching, doing.

Talent shows: TV, watching live.

Driving: Track days, summer days with the top down.

Friends: Visiting to say hello, relatives, dinner parties, easy lunches, friendly breakfasts.

Family events: Anniversaries, Birthdays, Introductions, Welcomes and Goodbyes. Just getting together.

Visiting places: Stately homes, country parks, river walks, national parks.

National Events: Celebrations, Parades, Commemorations.

Firework displays: Bonfire Night, New Year’s Eve, celebrations. Our own fireworks in the garden.

Staying In Together: Sex, No Sex, Sleep. Breakfast in Bed.

Sex: Here, There. This way, that way.

Getting dressed up: Fancy dress; Fantasy dress.  Best dress for going out. For staying in. For dinner for two. For dinner with friends. Formal dinners.

Reading a book.

Playing a game.

Talking.

Phoning a friend, a relative.

Doing a good deed: Charity, buying a big issue.

Museums, Art Galleries, Exhibitions. Paintings, Cars, Science, History, Nature.

Guided Walks: Local History, Ghosts. Celebrities.

Places to visit: New York, Vegas, The West coast of the US – California, San Francisco, San Diego. The Grand Canyon. Australia and New Zealand. Thailand, Bali and Japan. India and South Africa. Italy, Rome, Tuscany, the lakes. Berlin. Chicago, the lakes, Niagara. Paris, Amsterdam, Monaco, Cannes, Barcelona, Benidorm, Spain, Portugal.

 Are you sure there is nothing to do?

Day 1 revisited

Its two years coming up, and I went back to that first time and a song compilation that I made for that day. And it is really strange that its still relevant today, perhaps in some slightly different ways. See for yourself:

You Don’t Bring Me Flowers – Neil Diamond with Barbara Streisand

Well you think I could learn how to tell you goodbye

Because you don’t say you need me

You don’t sing me love songs

You don’t bring me flowers anymore

Hand Me Down – Matchbox Twenty

From what I’ve seen

You’re just one more hand me down

Cause no ones tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

You’ve Got A Friend – Carole King

They’ll take your soul if you let them

Oh yeah but don’t you let them

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am

I’ll come running to see you again

Please Forgive Me – David Gray

Help me out here

All my words are falling short

And there’s so much I want to say

Want to tell you just how good it feels

When you look at me that way

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Smooth – Santana Feat. Rob Thomas

You got the kind of lovin’ that can be so smooth yeah

Give me your heart, make it real

Or else forget about it

(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman – Carole King

When my soul was in the lost and found

You came along to claim it

I didn’t know just what was wrong with me

Till your kiss helped me name it

I Feel The Earth Move – Carole King

I feel the earth move under my feet

I feel the sky tumbling down

Thought I Died And Gone To Heaven – Bryan Adams

Only wanted to stay awhile

Only wanted to play awhile

Then you taught me to fly like a bird

Baby – thought I’d died and gone to heaven

Such a night I never had before

One Day Like This – Elbow

Lying with me half awake

Stumbling over what to say

Well, anyway, its looking like a beautiful day

Throw those curtains wide!

One day like this a year’d see me right

Ol’ 55 – Tom Waits

My time went so quickly,

I went lickety-splickly

Out to my old ‘55

Pulled away slowly, feeling so holy,

God knows, I was feelin’ alive

I Try – Macy Gray

I believe that fate has brought us here

And we should be together babe

But we’re not

I play it off but I’m dreamin of you

Just Friends – Amy Winehouse

Thought we need to find a time

To just do this shit together

‘Fore it gets worse

I want to touch you

But that just hurts

Until The Night – Billy Joel

I’ll have my fears like any man

You’ll have your tears like any woman

Today we’ll be unsure, is this what we believe in

And wonder how can we go on

Just A Little – Liberty X

Sexy,

Everything about you’s so sexy

You don’t even know what you got

You’re really hitting my spot

That time of year

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Treading Water 2

Treading Water
Killing Time
The fruit of my love
Withering on your vine
Keeping my head down
Towing the line
The fruit of my love
Withering on your vine

Treading Water

Treading Water: A swimming stroke defined to keep a person afloat, without going anywhere.

Things to do in life when treading water:

1. Watching sport on television. Football, premiership and all minor leagues. Rugby, major tournaments only. Follow other national teams once yours is out. Tennis and Golf. Big tournaments definitely, and minor tour games when required.
2. Playing Sport and Exercising. Take care of your body while filling the space. Golf for large chunks of time in a single day. Gym for 2 hours. Rowing at home for a good hour alone. Running for another hour.
3. Cleaning the car. One hour for a quick wash. Two hours for a thorough one including good work on the wheels. Add another hour or two for a good going over inside. And another couple for a polish.
4. Watching television. Films, new ones and ones I’ve already seen. Drama series I only half care about. News programmes. Reality TV that just fills the space.
5. Shopping. Trips into town with very little to get. Coffee shops. A bit of a browse. Lunch. Books, Music and Clothes. Then home.
6. Online gaming. This never ends. Take as much time at this as you like, and claim modern online addiction.

Whats real and whats fake? What would I do if I was leading the life I really wanted to lead. What is it that I really want?

A day in the life of the new me perhaps: 

Choose any one of the following activities: 

1. Waking, kissing and cuddling, having sex if we felt like it. Just getting up if we didn’t
2. Making breakfast
3. Shopping for something we either need or want.
4. Going for a stroll
5. Visiting friends, family, during the day, to say hello
6. Going out with friends in the evening
7. Going out alone in the evening, for a drink, or food, to see a local band or a movie. Driving or walking to a local place.
8. Working out together, at home or at the gym. Doing a sporting activity together, however small
9. An outing to another place, to see something new, or just for the journey.
10. A drive, just for the drive. Top down, wind in hair.
11. A train journey
12. An outing to an event, such as a show or a car rally
13. A weekend trip to relatives a distance away, investing time in our relationships with others
14. A mini party at home, inviting friends and family around
15. Time alone, doing an activity we both want to do.
16. Watching TV
17. A film on the TV
18. Shopping for the house
19. An early night in, making love
20. An early night in, having rampant sex
21. Coming home from work and acting out a fantasy
22. An early night in, just cuddling, for Christs sake were only human.

Is this real? Is it too much to ask?
And how long can a person tread water for, before they either die of exhaustion, or the sharks get em?

Life is really just too short

Life's too short.
That's been our motto for the duration. But living that philosophy has proved more difficult than either of us had imagined.
The barrier to this seems to be the balance between the underlying tenet of this philosophy, that is to maximise your own enjoyment of your life, versus the values we hold of not doing harm to others. And when the things you want to do to maximise you own enjoyment will result in harm to others, than you have a serious decision to make. And thats when most people do what we do, which is try and avoid that big serious shit and concentrate on the small short term pleasures that got us here in the first pace.

Like:

Red shoes
Stay ups
Ripping shirts off
Kisses in the rain
amd late nights that turn into early mornings

But the thing I have come to realise is, that these apparently shallow, short term fixes, when you add them all up, amount to what life is all about anyway. And the excuses you can invent that mean you do not indulge any of these shallow pleasures, but instead persue the worthy, value driven, and ultimately completely fucking mind-numbingly boring activities with no thanks for your virtues, can make life seem very very, extremely fucking very long indeed.

So life is short. It really is. And thank whatever god for it. I'm going to live my life as if its as short as a day.

But only after I look after all of the things I need to look after before I look after myself.

Lol :-)

ps. Aphrodite, I'll be calling on you soon, I promise. I just hope you are ready. x

Lists and literature

Part 1: George Orwell's 1984

A defining moment in my education was the re-reading of George Orwell's 1984. I had been given the book as a presnet for Christmas when I was eleven or so, and read it from cover to cover in a few days.  I loved the concepts, and was titlilated by the dirty bits. But most of all, I loved the sheer bleakness of it all. The futility. The blackness of a world that constantly rewrote history and where the heroes didnt win, they were bludgeoned into submission. Just the sort of thing to thrill an 11 year old boy.

And then years later, I experience a revelation. An epiphany. I saw an analysis of the book that said it was the most hopeful, optimistic book that the reader had ever read. And this was because of the epilogue. Critical to the plot of the book was the concept of Newspeak. A language that controlled thought. A language that was manipulated by the state to such an extent that individual thought itself was channelled into the thinking of the state. Scary shit. But the key thing was the epilogue, a chapter I had skipped over as an excited eleven year old as some boring shit about the technical details of Newspeak, a chapter I didnt understand at the back of the book. The key thing was that the epilogue was written in past tense. And a simple message, overlooked by an eleven year old, was as plain as day, on re-reading. That Newspeak was history. That in all the bleakness of the entire book, there was hope, that there was something after the regime. That insight, like all really good books, changed my outlook on life.

Part 2: Our List

And so to our tense. But this time not the past, but the future. When you are in it, the bleakness, the hope is in the future tense. And today, as occasionally she does, my beau spoke about US in the FUTURE tense. Its the beauty of language revealing the inner depths of the unconscious mind and heart, despite the best efforts of our conscious mind  to exercise caution. And she asked me to do this. To disclose our list. Our list about the future. Dont get me wrong, it may just still be a pipedream, and I'm not taking anything for granted (this is big stuff for both she and I) butt if we ever do get together, then this is what we are going to do.

1. London (sublist to follow)
2. Spain, the pine walk, and the hill walk to the church, and the heat
3. July 12th, cos I need to understand
4. Shopping, lots of it
5. Vegas
6. Seeing just how much we can take before we say 'no more'
7. A remote cottage, where no-one can find us
8. Family parties, where nothing is left unsaid

There should be more. And I now pledge that I give my partner, my soul mate, my lover, access to add the next part of the list. I look forward to it. Her take, on our future tense.

Day ???

Its got to that point where we are not counting the days anymore. We are of course, but only as a 'by the by'.

Buts its got a bit serious. very serious in fact.

And now we have both come to that conclusion, we have called a truce on beng serious and are both determined to continue to have fun. In vast quantities. Anything to take our mind off that serious shit anyway. And we have done quite alot in the past few weeks and months.

However, as a bit of a retrospective, I thought I would compile a list of things we have done since the start of our affair that I (and I am sure we both) would never have thought that we would be doing. If this doesnt get the juices flowing of those who are thinking about it but dont know if its worth it, then I dont know what will. And I am sure it will appall those who think very poorly of it and reaffirm their belief in the depravity of it all. I just think its all glorious, and Ive never lived life this full and rich in all the time Ive been alive. Here goes. The list.

1. text sex
2. a lunchtime quickie in between meetings
3. Listening, really listening, to the words of love songs. Beautiful love songs.
4. Lying to my boss at an airport who was surprised to find me there, saying I was waiting for a friend and distracting him while my lover crept out through the departure gate!
5. texting my lover while on a business trip, with my work colleagues busy watching me over breakfast
6. Visiting a sex shop for a present for my lover for 30 mins, and then spending 10 mins in a bookshop for a present for my wife
7. Going out with my wife and texting my lover while at the bar, at the toilet, anywhere I can get to.
8. Thinking about her constantly. Constantly.
9. Writing songs again. Since I dont know when.
10. And sing. from the top of my lungs. Like I really mean it.

xx

Day 28

Waiting waiting.
Its been a hell of a long time.

A guy can go mad with this long between events. when those events have become the reason, and the bits in between are just space between the events.

Jeez. Too deep.
How about this. A song that keeps on popping up. I havent heard Aphrodite sing. But if she did, she would sound like this:

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.

Its even better hearing it. Two versions, both great.

Waiting waiting.
Its too long.

No advice for this I'm afraid. Just try to keep things together in the spaces in between.

If you have any advice, please feel free to give it.

x

Day 26 & 27

Came and went

We are really getting into the swing of things now. The only thing is, the more we do, the more we want. And the times in between seem longer and longer despite getting shorter and shorter.

Its now nearly 3 weeks since our last rendezvous, and we dont have a date in the diary. This is simply not good planning. In defense of our reputation, I have to make it clear that this is no fault of our own. A combination of family commitments and unceertainty over work diaries has left us unable to satisfy our craving for each other.

We are close to egtting some dates in, but it sure as hell aint gonna come quick enough. Theres only so much time I wanna spend talking to you lot.

I think I need another drink.

Another dangerous temptation

When enjoying an affair, it is often tempting to test your regular partner in order to compare reactions with that of your lover, say for example with a suggestion of an activity or an opinion about a certain matter. This is entirely human and normal. You know its not exactly a pleasant thing to do, but the curiosity is overwhelming. I'm not sure why. Maybe its the thirst for understanding of the differences between people, and in particular the differences that you seek, perhaps a confirmation of the feature of the character that you see lacking in one human being and have a desire for in another. It may be something altogether more unsavoury, the need to justify one's own behaviour by validating the reasons for your dalliances. Not so much a "aha - got you" but more of a "thats just what I mean".

It transpires that my lover and I have both indulged from time to time in this behaviour, and so far with no negative consequences. I can however forsee several possible negative outcomes:

1. A suggested activity that you only desire with your lover will be accepted by your regular partner. Is this really what you wanted?
2. The dreaded question "why do you ask" may be the reply. Be prepared with an answer.
3. Its another one of those hints, isnt it?
4. It may open up a deeper conversation and get you into uncharted and unprepared territory. Difficult to give an example here, and thats the point, its unpredictable.

Say you said "I'd like to to wear some sexy underwear". You might get any of the following potentially difficult responses:

OK Big boy, I'll just go up and change.
Why do you ask?
Im not your sex object, dont you respect me? Come to think of it, you have been showing me less respect lately, whats going on? Why the sudden need for stimulation. And arent I enough for you in my natural state? You've not asked for this for ages, whats suddenly changed?

Maybe its best not to ask eh? Accentuate the positives in both sides of your relationship, but dont expect one person to be another.

Still its tempting though. 95% of the time you will get the response "no way" and you can sit back and think "thats just what I mean".

Day 23

Another day and night. Its becoming a habit. I wonder what that means?

This one at her place.

One important detail to share about long distance love affairs. Be aware of dialling and ringing tones. If you are cross border, when the loved ones at home contact you, a different ring tone is a dead give away. So if you are in a country where it changes, you need to adopt one of the following techniques:

a. leave the phone on, and in a safe location in the right country. Dial into your voicemail from your remote location and answer the important ones.
b. Just switch off, and again access everything via voicemail.
c. Just switch off.

Choose the one that best fits your circumstances.

And that bit about choosing whether to spend your extra time on getting to know each other deeply, or just spending a day and night shagging? Well this time we both took several days to recover.

Day 22

Valentines Day

Another day and night when we really spend some time together. If you are going to have an affair, you must make sure you have those occasions when you can really take the time to be together. While it is exciting to squeeze your passion into a few stolen hours in between known commitments, so much better to have the space to enjoy, to listen to each other, to express yourselves and to understand and be understood.

Or you could just spend the extra time shagging the hell out of each other.

Day 20 and 21 revisited

I wish to share more detail.

A wonderful tryst. Aphrodite over on business.

Part 1. I arrive at lunch, unexpected. Knock on the hotel room door. She opens, and the look of surprise turns me on. I stride in and shut the door. I cover her mouth with my hand. Hold her with my other hand in the small of her back and replace my covering hand with my lips, pressed hard on hers. A push to the bed, and she is prone, vulnerable. I can feel her breath becoming shorter. We kiss more, harder, and my hands push up her skirt. I am in no mood for waiting, for sensitivity, and I feel that she is not going to object. This is doing as much for her as it is for me. The tops of her stockings feel exquisite under my palm, contrasting the silk of the garment with the milky satin feel of her most intimate skin. I release myself, pull obsatcles to one side, and press ahead, entering. She is moist, hot and offers no resistance. We move in perfect rythym, and while I am taking, I know I am giving too, and she is giving willingly. I come quickly, tasting her lips as I do. After a short while, I move down to give her the pleasure she deserves, and before long she has come too. I stand, survey the scene, dress myself, and turn to leave. Without a word, we exchange a knowing smile at the door, acknowledging our intimacy while preserving the fantasy we have just acted out, and then I am gone. Back to work for the afternoon.

Part 2. The evening. A beautiful late night get-together after our work duties have been satisfied. All the more spicy due to the fact that our respective work colleagues suspect nothing, and for the activity we performed earlier that day.

Part 3. Much later. An extra night staying over after her work responsibilities have been fulfilled. A more full and relaxed evening and morning. We share so much in so little time. And mornings together, being so rare, are so much more valuable and special.

Reflecting on our time together on this occasion, I cant help but notice that the intensity of it all is what makes it truly stand out. And that is why it is truly special. If only we could preserve that sort of intensity in our main relationships. But thats life I guess, and we should count our blessings.

Day 24

Waiting for day 24. The coiled spring is well and truly tight. No clearer reasons needed as to why we do it.

My spouse and I havent made love in 4 weeks. Just not her thing you see. I'm sure its not a unique story, and there are people all over the country, the world, in just the same situation as I. The only difference is I am one of the ones that choose to do something about it. I could take the fact that she doesnt want it as feedback. On my looks, personality, technique etc. etc. But lets not gaze too long at our navels here. I do take it as some sort of message when, after 4 weeks of abstinence, when away on a weekend together, she doesnt want it becasue she's "not quite in the mood", then for whatever reason, ranging from my body odour to the possible presence of another man on the scene, she just doesnt want it. No point beating myself up over it. Be positive, get out there and meet people. Yet again, such advice could equally apply to anyone whether currently involved or not. Just that when you are involved it takes a bit more work to find the right person while protecting your own position and the feelings of your loved ones.

Speaking of advice, an absolute gem from Aphrodite the other day, to all the young girls out there looking for the right one:

1. If you want to find your prince, you have to be prepared to kiss a few frogs. Some will turn out to be just frogs, some will be somewhere in between;
2. Treat all with the respect they deserve. After all, frogs have feelings too;
3. And finally and most importantly remember: Don't marry a frog.

Ribbit.

Day 23

Day 22 has come and gone. And what a day it was too.

More on that later. But tomight, Aphrodite and I have made beautiful music together - by text.

A thoroughly modern means of making love, text love is an essential tool for the long distance lover. Overcome your inhibitions and express yourself in your text window. Use all those characters to say what you really feel inside. And make it as hot as if you were together. You will be amazed at the effect. Its as if you and your lover have a remote control. All you need to learn is how to use it. And sing your song, just like we did:

Wine and music
and a message for you
A message for you
To help you through
the night

Songs in my head
Remind me of you
remind me of you
And help me through
the night

Lying alone
I am there now with you
There now with you
And making you feel
just right

Sending you
My message to you
Whispering to you
In your ear by your side
Tonight

Feeling your skin
And now kissing you
You kissing me too
us catching our breath
In the night

Touching you just
where you want me to
And I'm wanting you too
Cant stop loving you
Tonight

You taking me there
Red hair and eyes blue
Im so deep into you
Im coming to you
In the night

Controlling my moves
Im responding to you
You responding now too
And we sail to the moon
In the night

We reach the peak
Cant get enough of you
I want all of you
Our love it is true
For tonight

Weve had all our fill
But I'm ready for you
You're ready now too
We can start out anew
Its all right
Its so right
In the night
Through the night

Aphrodite: Music to my ears

Funny how these things happen. I'm not sure what came first. My lover's nickname, or this album. Or indeed whether I truly knew what it all meant. I chose the name Aphrodite as I wanted something that sounded right, and it just did. Then I checked it out and it turns out that Aphrodite is the goddess of love. Hmmm. Next I get this album. Aphrodite by Kylie Minogue. Now I'm all for a lighthearted dance track from everyone's favourite antipodean angel, but meaningful lyrics aren't top of the list of expectations. But check out this selection, and believe me, its not comprehensive. Ideal for all romancers, secret or not, and while it might not all be Shakespeare, it somehow rings true. Not bad for throw away pop.

All the Lovers:
It hurts, when you get to close, but baby it hurts!
If love is really good you just want more,
Even if it throws you too the fire, fire, fire, fire!

Get Outa My Way:
I'm about to let you see.
This is what'll happen if you ain't giving your girl what she needs.

Put Your Hands Up (If you feel love):
Everybody knows how life can get so twisted
But I won't let it bring me down
There's no point in ever trying to resist it
Just work it out

Closer:
Closer and closer and closer
To you now, never enough
Closer and closer you pull me
Give me more
Soft and slow

Everything Is Beautiful:
And if I lie with you long enough,
I can see the things I'm dreaming of

Aphrodite:
The moment that you kiss me
you know that you'll miss me

Illusion:
Cause I'm losing my belief
can I make it when there's so much doubt
someone help me out! Cause I'm in to deep

Better Than Today:
How can you hate something that you ain't have tried
You got to lose control almost every night yeah

Stupid Boy:
You're under my skin
I need your touch

Looking For An Angel:
And when good things are good
I want to share them
I don't want to be alone

Days 20 and 21

There’s a lot happened since I last wrote but none of it is necessarily for these files. The day to day hazards of conducting a ldla mean the occasional missed rendezvous due to weather and other interruptions, but it seems like we’ve had more than our fair share. In these situations, common sense applies. It doesn’t matter what you thought you were going to get, so don’t cling on. If the opportunity to meet is fraught with risks of discovery or even physical danger, then don’t do it because it isn’t worth it.

So a few days when we thought we would be together, we weren’t. I know there were some serious preparations being made for me on one occasion, so it left us both really disappointed.

When we finally did get together, it was from famine to feast. We had a lunch-time together, an evening and then a whole night and morning. Excuses were fairly robust, so not really much to worry about. I find I enjoy myself a lot more when the risk is low. I am sure some people out there will be the opposite. As I’ve stated before, if you are in it for the long haul, I don’t think you should take any unnecessary risks.

There is of course, one big risk you always take in this game. That is when you end up wanting different things. One person wants more or less than the other. Tricky. Nothing special about extra marital affairs here, this happens in any relationship. The best advice here is to always try and get as much understanding about your partners wants and desires as you can. And funnily enough, try to be really clear to yourself about your own wants too. That’s not always as easy as it sounds. Then it’s just a case of making sure you act in your own best interests. If they aren’t committing, or if they’re getting too heavy, well just stop and think. What do you really want? And if it’s still good for you, stay. If its not, then go. After all, as Aphrodite and I are always saying, life’s too short.

And I think we’ll be around for a wee while yet. This sort of thing can get addictive. Be warned.

Days 18 & 19

Day 18 went well. In the end. But the nightmare happened. You meet someone you know at the airport. The recognition first, a face that is familiar and unexpected. Adrenaline rush, What to say. Rehearsed lines that don't come to mind, only the memory that you rehearsed them. And then a response. Say the truth, nearly. Waiting for a friend. Didn't expect to see you here. Just let me text my friend and see where she is. "She"? A bit too much truth. Tone it down a little. A friend of the wife's. And after a warning, a long wait till theyre gone.

Your romance dampened by the event. At first. But the buzz from the risk makes up for it.

And Day 19? Well, another bonus. Weather can work for you as well as against you.

Day 18

Bad weather means more risk, and I am looking at the forecast and wondering if we are going to make it. Roads are icy and airports are affected. This meeting was a bonus, but now my heart is set on it and I know we both need it. It would be a shame for our well worked excuses to be useless due to one or the other of us not being able to make it. Keep you posted.